12:12 Wednesday 21 November 2012

How to tell someone you love them and clingy family

Written byEleanor Carroll

I love youThey say there isn't a perfect time to tell someone you love them!

Surely it has to be perfect timing with a romantic setting? Wrong! The best time and way to tell someone you love them, is as awkwardly as possible! Trust me on this. It will make it more memorable! After being apart for a year, my partner and I decided that we couldn't do any better and might as well get back together. For the purposes of this blog, I will call him by his nickname, 'Ginge'. Anyway, after Ginge and I had been dating for a few months, I realised that I was in love with him... again, or maybe was still in love with him. I kept this to myself for a while, hoping that he'd say it first, so I didn't have to. He'd said it first the last time, whilst we were on our way to a Safari Park. Mistakenly hearing 'I love this song' as 'I love you', he pulled over the car and said "I love you too", offered to buy me some flowers, then realised he didn't have any money on him. It's the thought that counts.

After meeting him in Manchester, I told him that I needed to tell him something. I couldn't get the words out, so I told him I'd tell him later after a few drinks. We went to a local bar to watch Man City vs Man United, which I felt was the perfect setting to announce how I felt. After a couple of glasses of wine, I still felt ridiculously shy. Ginge really wanted to know what this 'thing' was that I wanted to tell him. Then it came to me. I could send it by text! That way, if he didn't feel the same, I could pretend that I meant to send that text to someone else! Nervously, I typed out the message 'I think I'm in love with you' leaving wiggling room, if he didn't feel the same also, by stating "Well I only said THINK!" I heard his phone buzz and I decided now was a good time to get absorbed in the football match. Ginge was very quiet, which was unnatural for my loud mouthed northerner. I continued to stare at the screen, waiting for him to say something. I glanced at him and was relieved to see him smiling at me. He called me a freak and told me he felt the same.

Telling someone you love them? Easy. Send a text!

Your dating dilemmas:

Hi Eleanor,

My girlfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and things are going pretty well – except for one thing. Every time we go anywhere she seems insistent upon bringing her family along. I recently booked a holiday to Spain for the two of us and now her parents and her brother are looking into joining us! Don’t get me wrong, I get along with her family but a romantic holiday does not have space for parents tagging along! Am I being unreasonable? How can I get them to back off without offending them or hurting her feelings?

Anon

Dear 'Anon' Thank you for your question. I'm sorry that you are currently experiencing issues with your partner and her Tag Along Family (TAF).

You could sit them down with a cup of tea and cake (it's hard to get offended when free cake is on offer), and try and explain your feelings. Though sometimes it's kinder to just drop massive hints, so they come to the conclusion on their own, rather than telling them that you're not into the 'Brady Bunch' family trips. Phrases such as 'I can't wait to spend some alone time with your daughter' (Make sure to wink after saying this) or 'I'd love for you guys to join us, but I don't want you there... only joking!" (A nice way to deliver unsavoury news/opinions without looking/sounding like a Mean-Malcolm).

Illustration by David Higgs

Another way to do this is to change your holiday plans. Book into a 'clothing optional' holiday resort. Even if you're unlucky enough to discover that this IS their dream holiday, they would hopefully be unwilling to view you and their daughter/sister, clothes free. If you aren't keen to get your kit off to be TAF free, another option could be to talk to your girlfriend and explain that you want this holiday to spend some time alone with just her, as you want to give her your undivided attention and affection and will happily book another holiday later in the year with her family too. Though this last option will end up costing you more money and the risk of choking on forced charm.

Please do let me know how you get on. 

Have you got a dating dilemma? Want Eleanor to explain it all? Email your queries to staffordshirenewspapers@gmail.com.

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