'If we're successful, Connor hasn't died for nothing'
YVONNE Upton says she wholeheartedly backs the Mail’s Safer Burton campaign and its bid to raise awareness of knife crime.
Her 21-year-old son, Connor, was stabbed outside a Burton nightspot in June 2010.
Here, in his memory, and to try to bring a positive out of something so tragic, she explains why she supports the campaign and why it is important others get behind it.
“People say everything happens for a reason and now, after all of this heartache, I believe Connor’s death happened to make others aware”, she said.
“Burton hasn’t got a huge knife crime problem like cities, but why wait until we have? We need to do something now.
“Society is changing and knife crime is escalating nationally. It starts in cities and towns follow.
“If I, and the Safer Burton campaign, can prevent one person from taking a knife out, or one person being injured by a knife, then it has achieved its aims.
“We should be proud of where we live and if we can make the town safer then it’s better for everyone.” Mrs Upton, who said working on the campaign had given her a positive focus, feels the education side of the campaign was ‘massively important’ to make the next generation aware that carrying knives and fighting was not acceptable.
“If something isn’t done now with the younger ones I think the whole country will have a huge problem on its hands in the future,” she said.
“They need educating, not scaring, so they know they don’t need knives for protection and to raise awareness of the consequences when knife crime occurs.
“I also think it’s just as important to show the offenders’ side of it as well.” Mrs Upton said if the Mail’s campaign was successful, other towns could follow.
She added: “I know things aren’t going to change overnight but we have to start somewhere and if people back it, there is a good chance we can make things happen.
“I never want anyone else, or any other family, to ever have to go through what we did.
“If we can prevent any more knife crime then in my eyes it would feel like Connor hasn’t died for nothing.
“It would feel like the nine months carrying him and then bringing him up hasn't been for nothing."
YVONNE UPTON’S VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT
JUNE 6, 2010, 7.30am was the time I got told my younger son Connor, 21, had died. My baby.
I don’t think at the time it had sunk in. Shock, disbelief and other emotions — this wasn’t happening to me or my family, it just can’t be true.
I was asked to stay behind at the hospital to formally identify my son but these things are not supposed to happen.
The next few hours were a bit of a blur but I remember having to tell people; his nana and granddad, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends. I can still hear my mum (Connor’s nana) crying uncontrollably at the news that her grandson had been murdered and I was the one that had to tell her.
Facing my husband, David, was hard — he couldn’t even look at me. My elder son broke the news to his dad, which is not a thing a son should have to do.
That night my three other children wanted to stay at home, even though they have families and homes of their own. It was just like they wanted to be children again. I knew I had to be there for them — they were hurting and I’m their mum, even though I felt I couldn’t look after myself and I wanted to be a child so that my parents could protect me from this pain.
It wasn’t until the early hours of the next morning that it started to sink in that my little son was never coming home again. I would never be able to see him, touch, or hear his voice or even have an argument with him. It felt like part of me died. Like an organ had been ripped out of me. I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have lost a child themselves — it’s not right. I should die first as I’m the parent.
At this time I never had any feelings or emotions that Connor had been murdered — I was hurting because he was dead.
The next few days were horrible as I started to get sympathy cards and I thought they were really morbid — I didn’t want any. I felt like I was in a soap opera, like I wasn’t me, like I was standing on the sideline watching someone else going through this and listening to different things about what was going to happen next.
We had a family liaison officer, Sue, and at first I thought ‘we don’t need one, I have my family’. How wrong was I? I needed Sue more than anybody. I can’t explain why, I just did. I had the feeling of suffocation in the house but as soon as I left I felt I needed to go back home because I felt safe there and no-one could hurt me.
Three days later we went to see Connor at Stafford Hospital. We were told to go there because it could be some time before his body would be released. Standing by the door and knowing my son was behind it made me feel physically sick.
My son was so cold and I remember shaking while holding his hand. I kissed him but it wasn’t my baby, it was just a shell of him. I didn’t want to leave him there — it was cold. I just wanted to wake him up and for him to tell me it was a nightmare. I felt like I was in and out of reality.
The time came for me to go and when I went outside I was told that Connor’s alleged murderer, George Lawrence, had been arrested. It wasn’t until then that I realised somebody, a human being, had taken my son’s life from me and his family and murdered him. My head was a mess — my whole self was a complete mess.
It was Friday 11th when I went to court for the first time and saw Lawrence, and I couldn’t understand why he had put a knife into Connor’s chest. Why use a knife? I don’t know what I expected, I suppose someone scary and horrible like out of a horror movie, but he looked like an ordinary person. I never listened to anything said in court, my head was just in a spin of thoughts driving me mad — the whats, ifs, buts, where have I gone wrong, the guilt, and that I should have protected my son more. I should have been a better mother, a better person, this was a punishment.
Even though I knew this man standing in front of me was there accused of killing my son, I still couldn’t take it in. Why would anyone want to kill my son? He wasn’t that bad — he didn’t deserve to die. This man had no right to take Connor’s life into his own hands.
