Yvonne Upton's victim impact statement
IT was July 2 , the day of Connor’s funeral, and I never slept at all the night before.
I should not have to do this, but in the end I knew it was time to lay my son to rest. I wanted to give my son a good send-off, as they say.
The nerves started to kick in and minutes felt like hours.
Looking around and seeing my three other children and Connor’s fiancee was heartbreaking. Their tears just kept flowing — it took all my strength to comfort them and hold my family together.
This was Connor’s day and I just wanted to make him proud.
As the funeral car pulled up it was like someone had put a knife into my chest and was twisting and turning it. It was still hard to accept that my son was in that coffin.
For the first time, I had this feeling that I wanted to die and that I needed to be with Connor because I didn’t want him to be on his own.
I managed to get through the funeral as I have a good family and we all support each other.
It is now January 2011, seven months since Connor died.
How have we all been? Well, I don’t think me or Connor’s dad have had a full night’s sleep.
I have returned back to work after being off sick for five months. I have worked as a college lecturer and in administration for the last 10 years and I enjoy going to work. I was good at my job and took pride in it. When this happened, I changed — I lost all my confidence and didn’t like going out of the house. I had this feeling that I wanted to be around my family to protect them. I lost interest with the outside world.
It took me a long time to get back to work but I knew the bills still had to be paid and that I couldn’t stay feeling the way I was, because it wasn’t fair on myself or my family.
I have watched my husband change. He would rather be out of the house working than inside because of the reminders the house holds. He hasn’t read a paper about Connor’s story and doesn’t ever talk about him, as it upsets him too much. It’s as though he thinks if he doesn’t talk about Connor’s death the pain might go away.
My two daughters’ little brother had been murdered and it was like they went into protection mode to look after me and their dad. I can see that both have held in all their hurt and emotions for the sake of me and their dad, not to hurt us any more.
Shane, my elder son, had been the hardest to watch. I have had to watch him have his ups and downs, sob over his brother’s death, angry at the way Connor died and drinking so much that he doesn’t feel the pain.
Connor’s death changed us all and I will always have this empty feeling, like some part of me is missing.
We have lost our identities — as such we are known as ‘Yvonne Upton, the mother of stab victim Connor’, and the same for his dad, as well as for Shane, Jodi and Terry (‘dad/brother/sister of stab victim Connor’).
What Connor has left behind is a lovely family that will miss him every day for the rest of our lives.
People say that we will have our memories, but we never wanted memories.
His fiancee, Leanne, who Connor gave his heart to, was only 23 and had to live with the loss. He had a beautiful daughter with her who only turned one four days before her dad was killed. Kirstynne was the apple of Connor’s eye — he absolutely adored her. Now, she will never know her dad or have any memories of him. She looks so much like Connor, which at times is heartbreaking because when I see her it’s like looking at Connor when he was a baby.
My feelings for Lawrence (Connor’s murderer) now — I don’t know where to begin. He has ripped the heart from my family. He has hurt us so much that no words can describe it.
Any person who walks around with a knife is wrong, but in a man of his age it’s even harder to understand. He should be showing an example to the youth of today.
Anyone carrying a knife, in my opinion, has intent to use it.
I just hope that Lawrence can now become an example to the younger society by being given a sentence that might be a deterrent and make other people think twice about knife crime.
George Lawrence, 46, of Harper Avenue, Horninglow, was unanimously convicted of murder at Stafford Crown Court in March 2011.
He was handed a life sentence and was told he would have to serve a minimum term of 21 years in prison.
