A Burton midwife who specialises in helping bereaved parents come to terms with heartbreak has said there is “no right or wrong way” to grieve and how settling down to watch a movie and having a little cry after a hard day at work is “only human”.

Mother-of-three Joanne Shillito, has been a midwife for 10 years, after six years of delivering babies in Burton, the 42-year-old teamed up with Sam Evans, 30, to provide specialist care in the Queen’s Hospital Snowdrop Suite.

She said losing a baby is “an entity nobody knows about until they have the misfortune to go through it” and her job is to give bereaved parents options and guidance as they use the special suite.

She said: “People are not ready or prepared for such a loss and they do not expect to find themselves needing to use the suite, they expect to leave the hospital holding their baby.“People get angry, people are inconsolable, they don’t know what to think or do and nothing matters any more. It is our job to step in, hold their hand and do anything we can to help.”

Joanne, who is head of bereavement services said the suite is “not everybody’s cup of tea” but it has helped people cope with their grief.

She said: “Some people just want to be at home and we completely understand that but everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to get over a situation like this. We had one lady who came to sit here every day for six weeks until her child was buried. It helped and we were happy to oblige.

Burton Queen's Hospital's Snowdrop Suite for bereaved families
The Snowdrop Suite at Queen's Hospital supports bereaved families

“We want people to feel as at home and comfortable as possible so the suite has lots of little touches that the NHS doesn’t have.

“It is about being able to provide all the little things for the parents that they might not even think about. There is a fully stocked kitchen and a bathroom with toiletries.

“Sometimes people come in an emergency and have to stay while they are still being treated or receiving medicines so we have a special cabinet that hides any machines, so there is a feel of a room instead of a hospital. There are other little luxuries too like a DVD player that guests can us of their own accord.”

There is no limit on how long patients can stay in the Snowdrop Suite and once there, they are provided with memory boxes, cards, prints of their baby and casts of their little one’s hands and feet if they wish.

Joanne said: “There is lots to it that people do not know. We offer blessings 24/7 with chaplains and Imans and we also have a leaf wall where leaves can be put on the tree with the baby’s name. This means quite a lot to some parents as babies cannot always be registered.

“We also offer ongoing support for those who have lost a baby, by arranging counselling or contacting their GPs. If we can’t give them what they need, we will point them in the direction of someone who can.”

Joanne, who lives in Swadlincote, said her day to day work was different all the time but her main role was to “do whatever the patient wants”.

She said: “I go from conducting home visits for bereaved parents who struggle to get over the threshold and meet at the hospital, which is quite common for those who have recently lost a child or accompanying families to funerals at their request.

“I also conduct examinations, chase results on post-mortems, as well as doing my clinical job which involves me delivering babies and looking after people from the neo-natal ward.

“We also provide support packs which help with everything from going back to work to future pregnancies.

“Not all hospitals do what we do; we care for people from 16 weeks onwards and we are always at the end of the phone for Snowdrop Suite patients. If they are feeling particularly down or lonely on a Saturday night they can call us personally to have a chat.

Staff from Kerry Foods and the Snowdrop suite
Lisa Robertson from Kerry Foods is joined by bereavement midwife Sam Evans

“We do go out of our way but it matters to us. Some simple things make a huge difference and if the slightest thing is out of place it will be remembered forever. That is why what we do at the Snowdrop Suite is so special.”

Joanne, who previously worked as a nurse in the accident and emergency unit, said some days are worse than others and a support network for her and Sam means she is able to continue with her challenging job.

She said: “It is intense but we get counselling offered to us once a month and it is so helpful that there is such a supportive team who understands the difficulties of the job. It is wonderful knowing that what we are doing is making a difference to the patients and we often have to remind ourselves of that.

“My senior manager is very supportive, always looking after me and Sam and helping us. You can’t prepare for a job like this and it is not something that you can just be thrown into.

“Sometimes you leave the room and have a little cry, but it is only natural to be upset by this sort of thing and we are only human like everyone else.

“The team we have at Burton is wonderful. I have been a midwife for 10 years and I have never come across a midwife with no empathy and the special touch that if it happened to me I know I would be happy in their hands. The student midwives and nurses are also incredibly tentative and get very good feedback.”

Joanne said she and Sam, who has been a midwife for 12 years, is her best friend and they are the “ultimate team”.

She said: “We do it all together. We deal with the bad and the good together. You need a sense of humour in this job

Working in the Snowdrop Suite has been a “real eye-opener” for Joanne who said she is still left heartbroken by her patients’ experiences.

She said: “I have had so many older ladies phone me up and say they want to do their bit to help by knitting for the little ones. In most cases it happened to them many years ago and they never got to see their child or spend extra time with them. It is heartbreaking.

“We also get lots of donations from grandparents. Most of the time we focus on the parents and rightly so but it is important not to forget other family and friends who are also devastated by such tragedies. We often rely on the feedback of patients and their families to improve the service at the Suite. Any money raised goes into the equipment and we recently put a nice big chair in one of the rooms on request of a family member.”

So how does Joanne relax and take time out from her job?

She said: “I know the importance of trying to unwind and I have got three children at home who keep me busy. To relax I like to watch films and I also enjoy socialising with friends and colleagues.

“What we do is not the easiest job in the world but we are so needed. There is such satisfaction from knowing that we have helped someone, when two or three months down the line we get a phone call from a patient thanking us for what we have done. Knowing that I have made a difference makes it all worthwhile.”

Burton company donates food to Snowdrop Suite to give grieving parents one less worry

Kerry Foods, in Mosley Street, produces millions of convenience meals every year and, since February 2017, has donated around 20 meals a week to the Snowdrop Suite. Bereaved families have also been treated to a microwave courtesy of Burton Hospitals charity, so they can enjoy their meals at any time of the day or night.

Specialist bereavement midwife, Sam Evans said: "Our families needs often run outside of normal catering hours so the fact that they have access to hot meals around the clock is truly beneficial.

"I have had very positive feedback from families who have used the Snowdrop Suite since Kerry Foods began donating hot meals and hope that, together, we can continue to make such a difficult time that little bit more comfortable."
In Burton, Kerry Foods typically creates food from Oriental and Asian parts of the world and employs more than 1,000 people.

Steph Whyman, from Kerry Foods Burton, said: "As Kerry Foods is one of the largest employers in the town, we are keen to give back to our community, and feel that Burton Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust is ideal to partner with.

"We are proud to offer our continued support to the hospital, via meal donations to the Snowdrop Suite, along with other charity initiatives throughout the year. We hope that our contributions make a real difference to people in our community."

Chris Maddox from Burton Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, said: "The donations Kerry Foods has given make a genuine difference to people's time here in the Snowdrop Suite, we are extremely thankful for their generosity. We look forward to the future, working in partnership with Kerry Foods and making a difference to the lives of local people."